Chapter 5 : Everything Back But You

I didn’t know what to think at this point. I must found myself again, and make a good start. I hate the way that I couldn’t give more happiness to the people around.

Now, I had started to get that old me back.

The one who was cheerful, optimistic, hopeful and happy.

The one who could make people smile without meaning to.

The one who could be trusted, the one who had have self-esteem, the one who could stand alone and not feel lonely. 

I needed me back. And finally I started getting back on track.

I didn't know whether I'm sad or happy. Somehow, I had letting go of things without even understanding what the hell happened. Everything had gone so quickly... even at the same time.

I had found myself but I still felt awfully empty. Like a half of me was disappear with your absences. I didn’t even let myself to have time to think things through, or to remember everything about you, or to know what  just changed and getting worse. I spent all the time by getting busy with school, making many business plans, or hanging out with friends.

There were some plan in my mind which waiting for me to make it real. I thought I will spend all the day for doing my best and make them come true.

I thought everything're back, and you. You come back as a best friend of mine. We started this friendship without looking at our past. It's better to know you as a friend, not an ex-lover. I don’t think things will value that part of me this much, and it’s just difficult now.

----------------------------------------------------

You may also read :
Chapter 1 : It's Over
Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains
Chapter 3 : They Said so, but...
Chapter 4 : The Perfect Heart Breaker

Continue reading Chapter 5 : Everything Back But You

Chapter 4 : The Perfect Heart Breaker

Here we were, meeting after I had pushed you to tell the truth. I had seen the fact through your personal account. But I still wanted to hear your confession.

"So, you're already with her?"

"Yeah."

"You have been seeing her before we broke up, am I right..?"

"Hmmm..."

"I knew... Everything."

"Okay, she came in when our problems was getting worse."

"Then why did you choose to see her rather than clearing our problem? "

"I didn't know. Everything just happened. Sorry..."

"Is that all? Is that all you could say after you ruined everything?"

"I'm sorry for everything."

"Did I ever do you wrong so that you do this to me?"

"No, its not your fault. Its all my fault." 

You put your jacket covering your face up. I held my tears. How could you hurt me so? You acted like it was nothing but it was really something. I was just too naive thinking everything had been fine between us.

I calmed myself down with this warm vanilla mint. You started to bite your toasted bread.

"You want some?" You offered.

"No, I'm not in the mood to eat," I said quietly. And you stopped eating. I knew that I might have given you some shake. I could see your guilt.  "It's okay, just finished your meal." I forced to smile.

You would never understand why I was hurt so much. Because you were not the one who cried here. I could hid the pain I felt inside and made you think that I could move on. But I could hardly believe that you thought I was okay after you broke it. 

After finishing your meal, you started to tell everything about you and her. You told about how you had met, how you had had hanged out with her since 3 weeks ago, how you had brought her to this town before we had broken up, and how your new relationship was. Everything you said made me felt so sick. 

I didn't blame you for my pain. It's not your fault. People do take love as a hurtful game. Both of us were expert before we decided to quit. I still couldn't believe that you played this game again without inviting me.

I just felt so disappointed, you were the person who gave me the courage to quit the game, but now you became the person who brought me the fear to play it again.

Without a word, you had left and got back into the game, made a new character called "the perfect heart breaker".

>> to be continued..

Continue reading Chapter 4 : The Perfect Heart Breaker

Chapter 3 : They Said So, But...

"Breaking up? Why?" he asked.

"Its complicated..." I said. Then I told him everything without leaving any point. Because I want to see his point of view about the whole problems.

"I think breaking up is best. There's no use to counting on him anymore."

"I knew. But..." Something held my words on the throat. It seemed like I almost dropped some tears. I felt so sick.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine," he tried to calm me down.

"I'm not sure."

"Hey, you're stronger than you seem."

"What should I do ? It's like I lost 80% of my life. Should I try finding someone new?"

"Just take it slowly... Keep yourself busy with things, hang out, make more friends..."

"I'll try... Thanks anyway, you always make me feel better."

"You're welcome."

And I forced to smile.

"Oh, I just wanna say, are you sure that's the only reason? Or maybe she is the real reason?"

"What did you mean by 'the real reason'?"

"Forget it... Remember, you'll be fine..."

"Thanks..."

I lied on my bed. Thinking of "the real reason" disturbed me somehow. I hated to believe that he might be right. But I tried to ignore his statement because I knew you more than he did.

I know your dreams; we used to talk about them for hours...
I know your loyalty, because you were always there when I needed your comfort...
I know your pain; you trusted me enough to share your past with...
I know your fears; you helped me to see that mine were the same...
I know what was important to you; you were always so honest to me...
I know your goals; I felt the enthusiasm in your words when you talked about them..

I talked to my other friends. They told me the same: she was your real reasons that you left me. I still tried to convince myself that they might be wrong although inside, there was some worries that they might be right. You lied and I'm the one who was fooled by your innocence.

With all of the things we've shared, It's hard to believe that you still have a heart to hurt me...

>> to be continued...

Continue reading Chapter 3 : They Said So, But...

Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains

You've decided to leave and this loneliness frightened me. I couldn't slept well for these last 3 days. Our memories remained and bothered my mind.

You were something that I never chose but you became something that I didn't want to lose.

I still remembered, though. I remembered how the loneliness had disappeared by your warm embrace. I remembered how your touch could have made me forget the rest of the world, and the way you had held me when the whole world had seemed to fall apart.

I remembered when we had sat and talked for hours. Your simple presence had given my life a purpose. We had shared our hurtful past and stayed together rather than being alone.

I remembered how we had spent a day together. We started with some sport at 5 AM before the sun rose. Then we had spent the afternoon in your place watching some movies. By the rest of the day, we had gone out for simple dinners, had a long talk on your ride.

I still remembered everything. I was tired of thinking about you before I fell asleep. I felt something rumbling in my heart and spreading all over my body, then I felt so helpless and restless.

I hated the way I thought that I could be like this, with no sleep all night.

I woke up earlier with the puzzled memories in my head. I tried to erase you from my mind, but I couldn't. It hurt to realize that my whole worlds had torn apart.

It hurt to saw the little green turtle and the polar bear; they reminded me of you. It hurt to see them lying on my bed without you were no longer with me.

I took my phone, turned on the internet connection. I found your morning message. For her.

So, did you find someone who replaces me while the wound that you gave me is still bleeding?
I turned my phone off. I guessed I had to find someone to share. How could I started the day without you by my side? The thoughts that you might already be with her just hurt me so much.

And what hurt the most was waking up and realizing that you were not mine. Or never be mine anymore.

Yeah, I had to leave this bed and go on with life like nothing had happened. I took my bike and saw the road in front of me. It was blurry. Just like how I thought my life would be without you...

>> to be continued...

Continue reading Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains

Chapter 1 : It's Over

"Is there no other way?"

"Yeah. I think I'm done."

"I never thought that we'd end up like this but.." I stopped. Things started to break. I just felt it all come rushing back to me.

You might be the one who wanted to end this relationship. And I won't to be the only one fighting. You said that you didn't have any strength to fight anymore. I knew how hard it might have been. But, why did you face it alone while you already had me to stand by your side?

You looked into my eyes. I glanced at you for a while. I tried to not cry over you because I knew that you didn't want to see the tears.

This blueberry smoothies tasted bitter. As bitter as these feelings. I left the half of the blueberry smoothies. You drank up your banana milkshake. And we decided to leave this place.

You drove me home. Just like you had used to be. I hug you tight for the last time and it felt so cold, as cold as your silence during this way home.

>> to be continued....

Continue reading Chapter 1 : It's Over

A story from the scar (2/2)

There was a cozy place with the warm atmosphere inside while we walked in. I looked for many spots, and then finally I found where our old friends were. Three girls and two boys left the seat and greeted us. 

“It has been a long time since the fasting time”. I said to everyone.

“yeah, actually, did you two.. came together?” the girls asked with the” want-to-know” expression.

“ oh, yeah”. I said without looking at them, especially you.

“wow, where he picked you up?” they curious.

“oh, at my house” I answered.

“oh wow.. How did he knew about you house while we didn’t ever knew it? Am I missed something here?” The girls said. The other friends’re looking at us.

“ oh, no. Not at all, we’re just friends”. You said it.

I glance at you. They girls flirt with you. I ignored them and didn’t look at your expression. I kept busy with my phone. The conversations between my other friends’re going...

Continue reading A story from the scar (2/2)

A story from the scar (1/2)

I checked timeline. As always. But suddenly, I attracted by search button at the left of the timeline. And I didn’t know what led me to write that username in the search box. Then your profile appeared. The curiosity of what’s was in it pushed me to explored your timeline.

From your timeline, I found that you made a promise to hang out with our old friends. A class reunion, but just with some members. Somehow I wonder, will you tell me about the class reunion? Or you’ve already forget me? I didn’t expect too much since I know that you’ve never contact me for the late 5 months. Maybe you’ve already forget me at all. That’s what I think. But the short message from you surprised me.

”Hey, will you go to the class reunion?” 

“I will, but, would you pick me up?” I replied. 

A rhetoric question since I know the answer that you wouldn’t.

“Okay, I’ll pick you up at 10, still in the same address ?” you replied after for a while. 

Wow, I didn’t expect that you would, or even wonder if you still remember where my home was.

“Yes, still the same”. I end the conversation.

You really came to pick me up at 10.30, late as always. There’s many things to say since we didn’t have any contact for a long time...

“What about your study?” you opened the conversation.

“Just like always, what about you?” 

“Same, and I’m doing some online business” 

“Oh, how’s your business now?”

“Fine, but I’m too busy. If you have a waste of time, could you operate it? “ 

“Okay, I will, then how about your girlfriend?”

“We’re broke up”. You answered. 

I looked at your eyes through the spion. There’s sadness behind. I hurt when I see your eyes, like what you may feel after breaking up.

Continue reading A story from the scar (1/2)