23.2.13

Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains

You've decided to leave and this loneliness frightened me. I couldn't slept well for these last 3 days. Our memories remained and bothered my mind.
You were something that I never chose but you became something that I didn't want to lose.
I still remembered, though. I remembered how the loneliness had disappeared by your warm embrace. I remembered how your touch could have made me forget the rest of the world, and the way you had held me when the whole world had seemed to fall apart.

I remembered when we had sat and talked for hours. Your simple presence had given my life a purpose. We had shared our hurtful past and stayed together rather than being alone.

I remembered how we had spent a day together. We started with some sport at 5 AM before the sun rose. Then we had spent the afternoon in your place watching some movies. By the rest of the day, we had gone out for simple dinners, had a long talk on your ride.

I still remembered everything. I was tired of thinking about you before I fell asleep. I felt something rumbling in my heart and spreading all over my body, then I felt so helpless and restless.
I hated the way I thought that I could be like this, with no sleep all night.
I woke up earlier with the puzzled memories in my head. I tried to erase you from my mind, but I couldn't. It hurt to realize that my whole worlds had torn apart.

It hurt to saw the little green turtle and the polar bear; they reminded me of you. It hurt to see them lying on my bed without you were no longer with me.

I took my phone, turned on the internet connection. I found your morning message. For her.

So, did you find someone who replaces me while the wound that you gave me is still bleeding?
I turned my phone off. I guessed I had to find someone to share. How could I started the day without you by my side? The thoughts that you might already be with her just hurt me so much.
And what hurt the most was waking up and realizing that you were not mine. Or never be mine anymore.
Yeah, I had to leave this bed and go on with life like nothing had happened. I took my bike and saw the road in front of me. It was blurry. Just like how I thought my life would be without you...


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