Chapter 3 : They Said So, But...

"Breaking up? Why?" he asked.

"Its complicated..." I said. Then I told him everything without leaving any point. Because I want to see his point of view about the whole problems.

"I think breaking up is best. There's no use to counting on him anymore."

"I knew. But..." Something held my words on the throat. It seemed like I almost dropped some tears. I felt so sick.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine," he tried to calm me down.

"I'm not sure."

"Hey, you're stronger than you seem."

"What should I do ? It's like I lost 80% of my life. Should I try finding someone new?"

"Just take it slowly... Keep yourself busy with things, hang out, make more friends..."

"I'll try... Thanks anyway, you always make me feel better."

"You're welcome."

And I forced to smile.

"Oh, I just wanna say, are you sure that's the only reason? Or maybe she is the real reason?"

"What did you mean by 'the real reason'?"

"Forget it... Remember, you'll be fine..."

"Thanks..."

I lied on my bed. Thinking of "the real reason" disturbed me somehow. I hated to believe that he might be right. But I tried to ignore his statement because I knew you more than he did.

I know your dreams; we used to talk about them for hours...
I know your loyalty, because you were always there when I needed your comfort...
I know your pain; you trusted me enough to share your past with...
I know your fears; you helped me to see that mine were the same...
I know what was important to you; you were always so honest to me...
I know your goals; I felt the enthusiasm in your words when you talked about them..

I talked to my other friends. They told me the same: she was your real reasons that you left me. I still tried to convince myself that they might be wrong although inside, there was some worries that they might be right. You lied and I'm the one who was fooled by your innocence.

With all of the things we've shared, It's hard to believe that you still have a heart to hurt me...

>> to be continued...

Continue reading Chapter 3 : They Said So, But...

Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains

You've decided to leave and this loneliness frightened me. I couldn't slept well for these last 3 days. Our memories remained and bothered my mind.

You were something that I never chose but you became something that I didn't want to lose.

I still remembered, though. I remembered how the loneliness had disappeared by your warm embrace. I remembered how your touch could have made me forget the rest of the world, and the way you had held me when the whole world had seemed to fall apart.

I remembered when we had sat and talked for hours. Your simple presence had given my life a purpose. We had shared our hurtful past and stayed together rather than being alone.

I remembered how we had spent a day together. We started with some sport at 5 AM before the sun rose. Then we had spent the afternoon in your place watching some movies. By the rest of the day, we had gone out for simple dinners, had a long talk on your ride.

I still remembered everything. I was tired of thinking about you before I fell asleep. I felt something rumbling in my heart and spreading all over my body, then I felt so helpless and restless.

I hated the way I thought that I could be like this, with no sleep all night.

I woke up earlier with the puzzled memories in my head. I tried to erase you from my mind, but I couldn't. It hurt to realize that my whole worlds had torn apart.

It hurt to saw the little green turtle and the polar bear; they reminded me of you. It hurt to see them lying on my bed without you were no longer with me.

I took my phone, turned on the internet connection. I found your morning message. For her.

So, did you find someone who replaces me while the wound that you gave me is still bleeding?
I turned my phone off. I guessed I had to find someone to share. How could I started the day without you by my side? The thoughts that you might already be with her just hurt me so much.

And what hurt the most was waking up and realizing that you were not mine. Or never be mine anymore.

Yeah, I had to leave this bed and go on with life like nothing had happened. I took my bike and saw the road in front of me. It was blurry. Just like how I thought my life would be without you...

>> to be continued...

Continue reading Chapter 2 : The Loneliness that Remains

Chapter 1 : It's Over

"Is there no other way?"

"Yeah. I think I'm done."

"I never thought that we'd end up like this but.." I stopped. Things started to break. I just felt it all come rushing back to me.

You might be the one who wanted to end this relationship. And I won't to be the only one fighting. You said that you didn't have any strength to fight anymore. I knew how hard it might have been. But, why did you face it alone while you already had me to stand by your side?

You looked into my eyes. I glanced at you for a while. I tried to not cry over you because I knew that you didn't want to see the tears.

This blueberry smoothies tasted bitter. As bitter as these feelings. I left the half of the blueberry smoothies. You drank up your banana milkshake. And we decided to leave this place.

You drove me home. Just like you had used to be. I hug you tight for the last time and it felt so cold, as cold as your silence during this way home.

>> to be continued....

Continue reading Chapter 1 : It's Over

Frightened Loneliness

If we can love someone so much...

How will we able to handle it the one day when we are separated...?

If being separated is a part of life and you know about separation well, 

Is it possible to love someone without being afraid of ever losing them...?

Or is it possible to live in entire life without loving anyone at all...?

and all I know just how bad loneliness feel...

I fear it will continue and getting worse... 

- A Thailand movie, titled Love in Siam -

Continue reading Frightened Loneliness

3 Times

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times. 

1. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. 
2. You must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve.
3. You must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. 

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that hurt you, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. 

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone wants to be loved.

Continue reading 3 Times

High School's Love Story

The wallpaper told about the high school lovers. There were two people who stayed in the school until late and share about everything. Then they were separated after the high school graduation. 

After years, they met again. The girl still remember that moment. The boy never knew that the one she like was him. He wonder if she like someone else.

Do you remember ? When we were in high school until late, you asked me if there's a boy I like. I told you it was him. I lied, cause it was you... -Nisa- 

The girl didn't have any courage to tell her feeling for the boy, while at the same time, the boy was waiting for her love. Such an ironic stories. But it may happened in someone's life.

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Move on, March

Don't look back the past just because you miss it. If it's really worth it, it wouldn't be behind you, but beside you..

I made this picture about one year ago. I made it by taking a picture of my teddy-bear in sofa, with the bicycle's wheel as the background. The wheel interpreted as the spinning of time. 

I  lined the photo using the new layer fill with combination black-orange, and change the layer mode into overlay. Then I blurred the background to illuminate the bear and the text. The atmosphere was warm, like in the dawn. Here is the real picture.

Continue reading Move on, March