The Three Scars

Being in a friendship with a guy was an interesting thing. They didn't start rumors, but they talked some new knowledge about technology, automotive, sport, and music instrument. They weren't two faced. They were honest about what they liked, and what they hated. With them, I always had some fun through their laughs, some long talks, and the things that we've done together.

Through the togetherness, I got closer with those guy best friends. I never thought of falling for them. But it happened. Somehow it left the scars, and then ruined the line between friendship and more. 

First time I had fallen for “The Forbidden Focus”. I got closer with him after our graduation. We were hanging out together, or talked about our dreams. Everything was fine, until he announced his new relationship with a girl. I didn't expect to fall, but I felt a deep sadness when he left after he had that relationship. A one side love, I thought.

He came into my life only to teach me about how to live alone. He gave a real painful of loving someone so deeply. I couldn't felt any happiness since he left. I missed his smile, his clumsy style, his wisdom, and his way of calm me down. I blamed my self for doing nothing to make him mine. He was a forbidden focus, because when I focused in our memories, the pain of losing him will hurt me so much. I’m sick of falling in love, especially with him.

I learned that one side love was tiring. We couldn't stay with someone who never loved us back. If we forced to love, and hoped that he will understand someday, we’ll be hurt by our self. I learned that waiting was wasting. When you decided to wait, you have to make sure that they're worth the wait. If he didn't worth for it, leave them. You couldn't wait forever. 

The second time happened for “Dirty Little Secret”. I gave that name because we got closer when he had a girlfriend (it was the title of a song by All American Reject. If you read the lyric, you’ll understand my story). We laughed together, we fought for something stupid. What we’re fighting for, when we weren't in a relationship. His innocent, my anger, and our selfishness mixed up then broke the things up. Something had happened; I still couldn't forgive even when he had already asked for apologizes. 

Through the anger, I learned that someone who couldn't appreciate your existence was better of being kicked. You were wasting your time of waiting their appreciation. 

I almost fall for him, because before I had fallen, I found someone new. He was “Sunshine after the Rain”, the third. I got the name from a song title, if you read the lyrics; you will know how much he means to me. I never expect to go so far with him. He was perfect type to be a friend; an interesting type of a guy. He was friendly, have a good sense of humor, and lovable. We got closer, started in a sick twisted relationship; end up in a trap of fate. 

He could make me happy with his kindness, caring, and loving. He appreciated my existence. He put much effort to comfort me. He taught me to be better.  I did care with him, so much. I couldn't get mad when he made some mistakes. I tried to be there when he needed. I wanted to make him happy, no matter what. I loved him, more than so much.

Things got wrong when a big problem hit us. He had no faith to hold me on, and I wouldn't be the only one fighting. He left me with the worst wound.  The scar remained for months. Then the time flied. The fate worked. Everything was back, as good as the beginning, I thought.

I learned how hard to forgive someone who hurt me so much. Forgiving is the hardest things to do, and forget the hurtful memories was almost-impossible. But when we put our best on it, we'll be able to forgive and forget. I learned to still be nice for him, after the bad things happened. No guilt, no grudge, and no more hatred. I did, because we couldn't cure our own sufferings by making other suffers, right ?  


Those three scars gave the best lesson to me. I had learned enough about love. Next time, when I fall for someone again, I hope he will be the last one. I don’t know who will be my last one; it may be one of them, or none of them. But I’ll be sure; the last one will be someone better, someone who will hold my hands and become the one I build my home with. 

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