Harder Than You Know

I thought that it will be easy to forget you. Forget about how closer we were. Forget about how hard you tried to get into my circle. Forget about the way you care, the way you tease, or the way you smile at me.
But, the more I try to forget, the more I realize that I can't. 
You were still there. When your name popped in my phone, when you sang that songs, when I was shivering at the time we met, or when I was waiting for your text all day long. It surprises me, that I actually capable of feeling this way.

You were still there, inside me as I was listening to that songs. When I was escaping into that strange city. When I was having a cup of coffee, gazing out the window and seeing the raindrops. Ya, just like today.

I hate to realize that, your absence just make this heart grow fonder. But, how can I miss you if you never would stay? Actually, as you said before~you really make me feel the love and the wounds at the same time.

As your take-it-easy things, I have tried it a thousand times. I'm trying to convince myself that everything will gonna be okay.  I'm trying to forget. I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to fill the emptiness that's left inside. And it just getting harder than you know.

At the end, I find that the hardest part of losing someone is not having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Ya, its not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

See how much you affect me now? Its not about how long you stay. Its not about how much you did. Its not about how far you entered the circle. It just about you, the one who is so wonderful to think of, but so hard to be without.


Tulus Cahaya M said...

Permintaan maaf

Dia minta maaf, Karena membuat terluka.
Dia minta maaf, Karena membuat sakit.
Dia minta maaf atas sikapnya.
Dia minta maaf atas perbuatanya.

Maaf, telah membuat cinta dan luka pada waktu yang bersamaan.
Maaf, telah memaksamu tertawa, tersenyum dan berkata ‘aku senang’ dalam luka.
maaf, karena kata maaf baru tersampaikan.

Mungkin kata maaf tak cukup mengobati luka.
Mungkin kata maaf tak cukup mengobati sakit.
Dan tak bisa mengembalikan smua sperti semula.

Tapi dia harap ini bisa menyembuhkan sedikit luka
Tapi dia harap ini bisa menyembuhkan sedikit sakit
Dan dia harap tak ada lagi sakit dan luka.

Sekali lagi, maaf, maaf dan maaf.